The Hug Experiment

Just Own Yourself ™

 

I was hiking with a friend of mine the other day, when she told me she flinches when someone tries to hug her.  She said she is afraid of hugs and the vulnerability they represent. Although she grew up in a family where emotional expression and giving and receiving hugs were commonplace, somehow in her mid-thirties, hugging had become foreign and extremely uncomfortable to her.  Through the years, she unknowingly became accustomed to keeping her physical and emotional distance from human tenderness or affection.  Avoiding hugs developed into her way of stopping other people from invading her personal space.

I felt sad for her as she told me this recent realization, because I know how therapeutic hugging is for the soul.  I also felt happy for her newfound awareness, knowing she is on the brink of a major breakthrough in her struggle for personal growth and emotional freedom.  "What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly." ~Richard Bach.

I didn't even realize the significance of hugging until I went through an intensive patient care training course to become a volunteer for Hospice.  My teacher, an unforgettable mentor of immense compassion and wisdom, spoke of the deep longing everyone has to be touched ... and the tremendous power of a single hug. 

She walked us through a first-hand study.  The "hugging" experiment.  There were fifteen of us in the class, and we had to go around the room, first asking for a hug, then being the recipient of a hug.  I was in the first group, the 'givers'.  "Hello, may I have a hug?"  I had to ask as I went around the table, arms outstretched to my fellow classmates.  I must admit it was an awkward, uncomfortable feeling.  One of my male classmates, married with three little girls, just couldn't let go of his extreme unease with our experiment ... yet at the end of our session, he seemed to be doing somewhat better as his discomfort started to ease up a little with time and practice. 

We were encouraged to take our hug experiment into the community, and I tried it out on a helpful sales clerk at the local Borders Bookstore.  It was near closing time, and she patiently helped me track down an extinct CD in the back room.  I was so grateful I just had to hug her.  I asked, "May I have a hug?"  She stood back after our embrace, with tears in her eyes and deep emotion in her voice, and said to me, "Thank you, I needed that; it's been a long time since someone hugged me."  Talk about profound! 

As a result of my Hospice class and our hug experiment, I learned the deep healing benefits a hug can bring.  It's one of the very best things we can do for others and ourselves.  The act of hugging actually causes the brain to release endorphins – chemicals that produce a natural "high", bringing about feelings of well-being.  Touching is also a behavior that can be learned, or re-learned, as the man in my class experienced.
         
I'm okay with hugging now … in fact, I can easily hug a complete stranger.  It's been a process, though, and I trust my friend will one day find her comfort zone.  We now end our hiking adventures with a warm embrace, and it’s a beautiful thing. 

I think one of the most powerful questions we can ever ask another human, is: "May I have a hug?" 

Keep it in mind.  Try it on for size.  And may you know only joy.

Peace and blessings to all,

~Victoria.