I was scared to death to be alone that Valentine’s Day ten years ago – February 14, 2002. I was divorced, not dating anyone, and felt horribly lonely. Wasn’t that the point of Valentine’s Day, to have a date, be with someone special to celebrate this ultra romantic holiday with, and NOT be alone? After all, that’s all you hear or see on the radio, TV, internet, everywhere you look, turn; you see a reminder that Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate with your honey. It’s not a day to be alone. Ohh…I was dreading it big time! Then, the day before Valentine’s Day, I happened to read a blog from a Dating Coach (I can’t find her now – would’ve loved to have given her credit), who told me just the opposite. She said it’s OKAY to be alone; it’s OKAY to not have a date, and if someone found themselves in this position, she recommended we decorate our own garden and nourish our own soul. What? Really? I had never thought of that before, but I loved the idea! She gave me permission to be alone, and celebrate ME. Yes, that is just what I would do.
So, I made plans for a date with myself. I picked out the perfect outfit, drove myself to the store to buy myself a beautiful bouquet of wildflowers, and took a long time picking out just the right card for myself. In the car, every love song I heard on the radio, I pretended it was written just for me – from me – and I sang the songs aloud, celebrating myself and my beautiful spirit. My soul was very happy, and I couldn’t wait to continue the celebration at home. I set the flowers on my personal altar in my bedroom, put on very soothing meditation music, and lit many candles that set the stage for my first ever solo Valentine celebration. I sat for a long time in silence, just soaking in the beauty of my simple evening. I then took a pen with sparkly blue ink, and without thought, let the peace I was feeling guide the pen. The card I bought said: “Sweetheart…With you, I’ve watched my dreams come true, hoping that you knew, what joy it brings to everything whenever I’m with you. With Love on Valentine’s Day.” And I added a little message to myself: “and remember I am *always* with you…always in heart, always in spirit, always in soul. Just be who you are, and everything will always be alright. You are beautiful. I love you. Vicki” I signed it with my childhood name; she wanted to be a part of my life. On the left side of the card, three letters came to me:
J
O
Y
And next to the letters, my hand wrote the words:
Just
Own
Yourself!
I used to think JOY meant radical happiness, like bouncing off the walls with endless, ecstatic, “Snoopy dance” energy. I now understand JOY to mean a deep feeling of happiness or contentment. I feel my contentment deepening as my awareness grows and my self-acceptance rises. The calm is just beautiful. I do believe it's been about coming to a place, an inner place, where I’ve taken responsibility for my life and I've owned myself, faults and all, accepted my upbringing (everyone is always doing the best know they know how at any given time – no one is perfect, we’re all learning as we go), and the choices and decisions I've made along the way (right or wrong, it’s all led me to where I am today and now is good); I also let go of guilt and regret after a long process of delving into personal healing. The guilt and regret didn't serve me any longer, it was time to let that go for good, and have compassion for my young girl within who didn't deserve to be judged so harshly any longer. I finally made peace with my past, peace with myself, and peace with the tangled journey.
Hey, I like this calm. It feels good. I like who and where I am, I appreciate where I've been, am grateful for the people and lessons along the way, and I am excited about where I am going. It’s a continual journey of growth and discovery. One of my dear friends called her journey a “continual fascination”. What a wonderful way to look at life! She’s one of my teachers…
In 1990 I gave myself the title “Seeking Swan”. I guess one can say we're seeking our entire life, as we're continually evolving and changing during our earthly journey. However, it's different now as I close in on 50. I love singer/songwriter Jana Stanfield’s saying; “I’m not lost, I’m exploring!” That fits. Through it all, I've discovered it's all about self-acceptance, self-love and self-appreciation...for everything, the good and the bad, as it’s all for our highest good and our soul’s growth. Talk about being responsible for our own lives! I arrived at a place in life where I no longer feel the need to be on a constant quest (it was a rather frantic search at times!). Now, there's a sense of peace, calm, knowing that whatever happens, I will get through the challenge I face and become even more whole as time passes. It's a nice place to be and my wish is that if you find yourself struggling or confused, you will soon join me in honoring and appreciating yourself exactly where you find yourself today – wherever that is. For in the space of loving and accepting ourselves wherever we happen to be, we begin to slowly discover self-acceptance and inner contentment...and our wings begin to flutter in anticipation of one day soaring with clarity and vision.
Here are a few things I did that helped me to get to a place of self-acceptance and find my wings; I would love your feedback, and welcome you to add to the list:
How I learned to love myself:
1) Give myself great big hugs, especially before bedtime
2) Create mantras and affirmations to overcome my inner critic
3) Tape positive quotes to my bathroom mirror
4) Light candles, listen to guided meditations
5) Listen to inspirational music with uplifting lyrics
6) Immerse myself in nature as often as possible
7) Give my creative side lots of room to play
8) Surround myself with children as they’re a wonderful source of pure joy
“Unconditional self love is the root of all we seek.” Author unknown
Dear Beautiful Reader,
I invite you to let go of fear
I give you permission to love yourself
You are a precious, lovely soul
Your birthright is to know happiness and fulfillment
Deep within you is a place of calm
An all knowing place of contentment
Please let go of any guilt and regret
And tune into this place of love
It is there for you
Waiting to connect with you
Its only wish is that you are happy
My only wish is that you feel joy
I invite you to Just Own Yourself
And feel the Love that awaits you
Go out and play, have fun, be silly
Get to know your inner child
Rejoice in the life you have been given
Heal thyself, and know love
Pay the love forward
The world needs your light and love
I hold only the highest vision of goodness for you
And encourage you to be the light for yourself and others
I love you.
xoxoxo
~Vicki.
